Stalker Chick

I am stalking the UPS man.

Like little children following the flight plan of Santa Claus via NORAD, I check the UPS website almost hourly trying to determine the exact location of goods I have ordered online. (http://www.norad.mil/about/Santa.html) FYI - It's not helping.

I’m not normally this obsessed with tracking a package online.  My short term memory has been kind of fuzzy lately.  I order something, forget about it, then I get a nice surprise a couple of days later when it finally arrives.  Not this time.  I’m hunting this package with the tracking prowess that would make my Native American ancestors proud. 

Why all the hunting, searching and tracking? Meet my nemesis:

Code Name: Twin XL aka The Prison Bed

This is the most uncomfortable bed that I have had the misfortune to sleep upon.  It looks like something out of a prison movie, doesn’t it? I think that maybe Harvard got a bulk discount from Prison Mattresses Unlimited.  All I know is that I wake up in the morning feeling like I’ve been wrestling a bear.  It was so bad, that I woke up in the middle of the night last week and immediately placed an online order for a memory foam mattress topper. 

Ordinarily, I would have gone to a local store to buy a mattress topper to get some relief, but this topper wasn’t stocked in stores!!  It *had* to be ordered online. Fine. I’ll do whatever it takes to slay this beast known as Twin XL.  Sears.com estimated delivery in three days from the date of order! BINGO! I could place the order, not pay expedited shipping charges and get delivery within the same time frame. The universe was smiling upon me…until Sears processed my order and extended the shipping window to FIVE to SEVEN business days.  The bastards!

So, I suffer…and stalk the UPS man.