Beginning, Middle and End

Today begins my last semester here at Harvard. It feels like and ending, a middle and a beginning all at the same time.

My first semester here was a struggle.  There were many times that I felt inadequate because I felt a disconnect between what I thought I needed to learn and what was being taught.  I am an execution/operations person by nature.  It is in that arena that I perform my best work.  I am the player that when given the ball, rushes it into the end zone.  I am not the quarterback.  The courses here focus on grooming quarterbacks.   I never have been and I never will be a quarterback, so the struggle will continue for one more semester.

My plan for the Spring 2013  is to celebrate my differences from a typical Kennedy School student and to make this last semester work for me. So far, I've done four things to help make this happen:  

First of all, I went to Florida last week to decompress and to catch up with my best friend and mentor.  She knows me very well and was able to give me some critical suggestions about how I should structure my last semester to connect the dots of my past employment with where I want my future to go.

Secondly, I heeded her advice.  I, for one, hate when someone asks me for advice and then do the completely opposite thing.  It makes me want to shake them and then slap them upside the head. You trust me enough to ask for advice, but not quite enough to follow through with it? Uh, OK.  I’ll remember that for next time.

Thirdly, I’ve become resolute in taking what I need from each class and leaving the rest. It’s all the extra stuff that causes the stress.  It took me the entire first semester to find my space and discover how I want to operate within that space.  I only get this one shot to see if my plans and aspirations for the semester come to pass.  (I think that they will, but check back on May 31^st to see if I was right!)

Last, but not least, I’m going to make some personal changes that I think will help me get through the semester.  The most obvious will be my going on the wagon. I think that if I want to have a remote chance of staying healthy I need to steer clear of the margaritas and the white wine. (La Crema’s Chardonnay will now always have a special place in my heart.)  But I warn you right now, that if you see me in Chicago or Cambridge with an adult beverage in hand, you are *not* authorized to slap it out of my hand.  Your attempt to do so will get to you a Chicago-style beat down.  If I’m drinking this semester, it is because I NEED to be drinking. The best thing for you to do will be to slowly walk away and return with a second drink.

You have been warned. :)

The Harvard Bubble

Here at Harvard we live in what we like to call The Harvard Bubble.  It’s hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it.  In plain English, it’s the surreal experience of the place.

It’s better than work because you get along with almost everyone and you don’t have to answer to management or shareholders.

It’s better than normal school because there are some really truly brilliant people here and we’re all actually very interested in our courses. (Ahem! The ones we like and the ones that we are smart enough to drop if we don’t!)

It’s better than your normal group of friends because we see each other almost every day and almost everyone has time to grab coffee or an adult beverage and shoot the breeze. We throw out ideas about how we want to change the world and no one says it’s impossible. We offer each other solutions on how to make it happen.

So while I enjoyed my time at home in Chicago during winter break, I missed school.  I missed it a lot.  Then it dawned on me that the magic of my year at Harvard is more than half over.  And that makes me sad.  I tried to temper that sadness by planning a trip to Maui immediately after graduation.  But real life is creeping back in…

I’m updating my resume because I need to find a job.  I was smart enough to get into Harvard, but not smart enough to get someone else to pay it.  The Department of Education wants to be REPAID.

I am in the process of making some hard decisions about where I want to work and what to do with my condo in Chicago. The next job that I choose will set the trajectory of my new career. Supposedly, the world is my oyster but I still have some anxiety about life after graduation.  I try not to, but I am about to enter into uncharted waters.

Also, I now have this monkey on my back called the Harvard Brand ®.  People automatically have expectations when they find that I’m here and am on track to graduate.  I don’t know about my classmates, but I find it a bit stressful. I’ve lived my life prejudged because of my gender and my race.  I already know that my current educational choice will make life more complex, even if it’s in a good way.

This semester I can max out and take 4.5 courses.  But I’ve decided not to do it. I took (and passed!) 5 classes last semester but I don’t recommend that option for anyone. It was structured insanity.  I was at home for almost 2 weeks before my brain was able to wind down enough that I didn’t feel compelled to stay up until 2AM reading a book! I love The Harvard Bubble, but to ignore the fact that my journey is winding down would be to my detriment. 

Real life is about to knock on my door and I need to be prepared to answer.