One year ago today...

One year ago today, I graduated with a Masters degree from Harvard University.  To use and already overused cliché:  I remember it as if it were yesterday.  It was hot, but I was able to secure a shaded seat in Tercentenary Theatre under a tree.  There was a palpable electricity in the air.  People had convened from all over the world to witness some of the best and the brightest students receive their degrees. The occasion was presided over by none other than Oprah Winfrey, whose story of perseverance mimicked elements in my own life.  I was excited by the possibilities that lay before me. 

Was this not the American dream?  I had worked hard. I had put in the effort.  Not even a year prior, I had packed up my meager belongings, left my now ex-boyfriend at the airport, signed student loan papers that caused me gasp at the amount, and relocated to Cambridge to take on a new adventure.  You see, in the midst of the Great Recession in late 2008, I had lost my well-paying supply chain job.   I had landed another one easily enough, but not even four months after starting, the company decided to cease operations in IL and I found myself unemployed again. I struggled financially and I struggled mentally.  Was there something wrong with me? Why couldn’t I find a job?  During this time, I had also added an extra credential that all the job descriptions appeared to specify: Project Management Professional.  Still, no job offers.  I had always dreamed of going back to school to pursue an advanced degree and being accepted to Harvard was just icing on an already moist and delicious cake.

After being out of school for 15 years, it was tough to get up to the speed needed to be successful at Harvard.  The stress gave me insomnia but I welcomed it.  Staying awake all night was the only hope I’d have of cramming in all of the reading that needed to be done.  The stress also destroyed my already fragile endocrine system.  I wasn’t sleeping or eating, but I managed to gain twenty pounds!  None of it mattered because I was living the dream!   Harvard, The Big H, was going to be my ticket out of the unemployment line and into the world of the privileged few.  The momentary physical and financial sacrifice was worth it, right?

Well, no.  In the year since graduation, I’ve managed to lose the twenty pounds that firmly adhered itself to my hips and backside. I’ve also managed to regulate my sleep cycle somewhat, although I find that I still need the assistance of prescription and over-the-counter sleep aids on occasion. But while I am no longer unemployed, I am definitely under-employed.

After looking earnestly for work for six months post-graduation and being rejected for a multitude of reasons, I took a contract job at a candy and gum company.  I sit at a desk and preform basic data entry for 40 hours a week.  It pays enough to keep me fed and in my condo but I’m sure Sallie Mae and her cousin Perkins Loan are not going to believe me when I tell them that there isn’t enough left over to pay them the equivalent of a mortgage payment, even now, an entire year after graduation.  I’m smart. I should have been able to land something by now, right? Obviously, it’s me. I mean, how is it that a woman that was successful in her field for 10 years, who went and graduated Harvard not be able to find a job?

Well, it’s not just me. I have a perfect storm of factors working against me. As a member of the long term unemployed and now under-employed, I was specifically told by at least one employer that my work experience in my career field isn’t “recent enough” (which is also known as skill erosion) although I had added an internationally recognized certification and an advanced degree while unemployed. I’ve made the effort to keep my skills sharp even while not tied to a permanent job, so surely, that can’t be held against me, right?  But maybe it is because people of color have been disproportionately affected by the Great Recession with African-Americans being overrepresented in the unemployment line?  I am an African- American woman in a field that is dominated by middle aged white men. Although companies are lauding themselves as being inclusive and celebrating diversity, how much diversity is shown in certain areas of those companies? When people initially meet me, they immediately assume that I’m in Human Resources or in an administrative role. (I don’t want to digress, but I’ve begun to think that there isn’t a place for a high achieving African-American female within Supply Chain even without the discussion of pay inequality.)

The hard truth is that the longer that I’m out of work, the less likely I will be able to find a job that is on par with the position from which I was laid off.  As a survival tactic, with no more unemployment benefits, rapidly dwindling savings and investment accounts, I took on the candy and gum company contract role that provides no paid time off, no health benefits, allows for 50% of my previous pay and is less than intellectually stimulating. It’s good to get out of the house and to interact with others, but it also greatly decreases the amount of time that I can dedicate to a job search. Thankfully, this position allows me one day off during the week that I use that to interview.  (I can’t take off time willy-nilly because excessive time off could lead to my termination AND financially, I can’t afford to do so.)

So many friends have encouraged me to come to their city to apply for work because they rightfully assume that the job market in Chicago is horrible. However, it’s difficult to apply for jobs as a long distance candidate.  Many jobs shy away from candidates like me because they don’t want to be responsible for relocation expenses when they have an excess of qualified local candidates.  Ideally, I could spend a month or two living in a friend’s guest room while applying for work in an area but that costs money that I can’t spare right now. I had even thought of starting a Go Fund Me campaign to help fund my expenses while I explore employment options in other cities since temporarily relocating would prevent me from working.

Even after I have started drafting this update, I have received yet another rejection notice from a position for which I have applied.  The note thanks for me a phone interview that never happened! Then the note goes on to say that they found a candidate that more closely matches their needs and that they have accepted their offer.   Considering that this particular company has never spoken with me directly concerning my application, I am a little put off by the outright lie. It does not bode well for my morale or my job search when companies transition from excuses to lies. (But do I really want to work for a company that would stoop to such tactics? It’s bad form and it completely disrespects me as a job seeker.)

But back to my situation…I’m exactly one year post-graduation and things are looking bleak. Wait, let me rephrase that “Things are not looking as what you’d expect from someone with such quote-unquote potential.”  Things are not bleak.  I am healthy.  I am in my right mind.  I have the love of my family and friends.  I still have the lessons I learned at Harvard.  I still have the ability to triumph over adversity.   I was just hoping that in my heart of hearts, that playing by society’s rules and power of the Big H would have allowed me to break free of some of the social constraints imposed upon me.  But I think it might be time to stop playing by the rules and give in to the urban ingenuity and tenacity that brought me to gates at Harvard in the first place.  I can’t guarantee that it will have an immediate and positive impact on my job search, but it will definitely have an impact on my morale and how I define myself in relation to any new opportunities.

On my birthday (in one week) I will once again sit down near a large body of water with a refreshing alcoholic beverage and my list of goals.  I’ll scratch off things that I’ve accomplished.  I’ll move over some of the things that I still want to accomplish and I’ll remove some of the items that no longer fit into how I picture I want my life to be.  Plans will start to take shape, themes will emerge and I will find myself back on track. I don’t know what the next year will bring but even if it brings more of the same, I know that I will continue to be just that much closer to realizing my goal and my purpose.

Stay tuned.

300 days have come and gone...

One week after commencement, I sit in Maui (at 5AM!) and ponder the year I just experienced and the year that is ahead.  You see, today is my birthday. Every year on my birthday, I withdraw and consider some of the things that I’ve done right in my life and some things that need improvement. I make my annual birthday list of goals that I’d like to get accomplished in the short and long term. There is a goal for every year, so the list does get longer!  I think that I’m almost up to 40 items?! (Yikes!)

This year my #1 goal, graduate from Harvard, was achieved.   It took me over ten years to get to the point where I could mark through the goal and list it as completed. You would think that a goal that was so hard (and expensive!) to get done would leave me giddy with excitement.  Truth be told, I felt very little emotion. 

When is the magic supposed to happen?

If I weren’t in such a reflective “about to turn 40” mood, I’d still be waiting for Tinkerbelle to sprinkle me with some fairy dust.  But, for me, the magic has already happened. The magic was in the experience of attending Harvard, not the receipt for tuition diploma that I received or my ability to drop the H-bomb.

Admittedly, when the homework got heavy, I slacked in updating this blog. As a result, I was only able to share a few of the big and tiny things that were a part of the Harvard magic.

My 300 days at Harvard have come and gone. I’m 7 days post-Harvard and the dust is still settling. I still have not spent a night in my home. I’m still seeking gainful employment.  The boxes from moving halfway across the country are still piled in a corner. My refrigerator is still empty. But more importantly, I still feel that I need to share some of the magic.

For now, I’m planning to update the blog with my 100 days post-Harvard to include some new experiences, but it will mostly be reflections on the past year as they pop into my head. The updates will be sporadic, at best but they *will* include more pictures. (Yay!)

Hopefully, it will be a way to spark my memory and to continue to give you a peek behind the Harvard curtain as seen through my eyes.

The journey continues.

Little Birds

This morning, promptly at 7:15AM, I heard something that I had not heard in since my first 10 days at Harvard:

“Please move ya caaaah.  If you don’t move ya caaaah, you will be towed.  We aahh about to staaht street cleaning.” 

Today is the fourth Thursday of the month.  It’s street cleaning day.  How fitting is it that the pronouncement that greeted me back in July is the same one that is ushering me into my final days at Harvard?  Is it a sign? Or is it just a freak coincidence?

I like to think of it as a sign.  Just yesterday at our kick-off meeting to Commencement Week activities, I mentioned how this is really the beginning of the end.  I mean, it’s also the beginning of a new life post-Harvard, but it’s the end of the life in which I’ve become comfortable with the last several months.  In all its craziness, there has been some normalcy. 

Every Mon, Tues and several Wednesdays since the beginning of the year, a group of us would eat at breakfast at the Spangler Cafeteria right after our Harvard Business School class.  Our impromptu meeting started due to the fact that none of us actually woke up early enough to eat breakfast before an 8:30AM class.  But it was also our way of meeting to review what happened in the class after each one of us tree-hugging Kennedy School students got served by the capitalist Business School students.  We helped each other decipher the language of the business school and it became normal.  It was something that I kicked off my week, every week, and now it’s over.

I think about what will become my new normal.  Right now, I don’t have a job and no immediate prospects for a job.  As soon as I leave Harvard, I will lose the structure that I found within the confines of being a student. The grueling all night writing sessions will be no more.  There will be no expectations for my time and I will be in a state of limbo.  I don’t quite know what I’ll do with myself in the first couple of weeks.  As a new bird, which has been kicked out my mother’s nest, I will spread my wings and attempt to fly.

The incessant chatter of my fellow soon-to-be-evicted birds will comfort me as I know that the day both hoped for and dreaded is only seven days away.  Some of the birds have bought extra time by extending their housing leases throughout the summer. Others have delayed the inevitable by applying and getting accepted to other Harvard master programs and fellowships.  But others, like me, who have accepted that we will be completely kicked out of the nest, on May 30, 2013, will look bravely towards commencement and will fortify ourselves with drink.

Cheers!

A birdie enjoying a Blue Hawaiian

Baby, I'm a star!!!

A couple of weeks ago, there was an email solicitation by my negotiation instructor for Kennedy School students to participate in a taping that would be used on the Katie Couric show.  

It was a segment to promote the book “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg.  It was about how women negotiate and how they are perceived in the workplace.

 Katie Couric - Women negotiating at work

As you can tell from the video, they picked my clip and the clip of another one of my midcareer classmates to be on the show.

How’s that for a Harvard moment?  I go to class one day and end up on national TV a couple of days later!

And just for the record, Lisa’s clip shows her as angry.  Originally, I was the one who was supposed to display anger but I refused to feed into the stereotype of an “angry Black woman” so Lisa did it.  Lisa is one of the sweetest people that I’ve had the pleasure to meet and it was a shock to see her act so angry. (And it was an act!)

I make a concerted effort not to feature other people or mention them by name in my blog in order to respect their privacy.  However, Lisa likes to fly below the radar.  She’s an amazing activist for women’s rights, especially for women who have endured sexual violence in the Congo and Somalia.

Check out her website and if you feel so inclined, please volunteer to participate or make a financial contribution.

Run for Congo Women
A Thousand Sisters
Lisa Shannon - Wikipedia

57 days until commencement

Harvard Memories: Harvard Yale Game

The Harvard-Yale game is supposed to be LEGENDARY.  It’s simply known as The Game. So, who was I to miss out on the opportunity to participate in something that was a Harvard tradition?

First things first:  Let’s talk about the tail gate party!

The one advantage that we older students have over the younger students is that we can buy good alcohol and throw one heck of a tailgate party.  Case in point: The Bloody Mary bar.  Yes, our tailgate party had a Bloody Mary bar and mimosas. (In our minds this was perfectly reasonable since we were starting to drink at 10AM)

Breakfast in a cup

This drink was the breakfast of champions!  Absolute Peppar, V-8, cheese, salami, olives, pickled green beans, Tabasco and celery!  Yum!

The game started at Noon.  Guess what I was doing at noon?  Hint: I was still outside the stadium.

Once I was inside the stadium…the game was OK.  It was all kinds of fuzzy though. I barely remember the half time show (Aztec temples and a whale?) but not much else. I blame it on the alcohol.

(The white thing in the background is the whale)

Oh yeah.  Harvard won.

58 days until commencement

And the final countdown begins...

Since I have been slacking horribly on this blog, I’ve decided to be ambitious and make one blog post a day to chronicle my last 59 days before graduation and my last 60 days on campus.  Guess what? I’m already behind a day!  Today I’ll make two posts to make up for missing yesterday.

Yesterday and today, I was part of a phone-a-thon to reach out to newly admitted Harvard Kennedy School students.  In the middle of the first call, I had a flash back to when I was newly accepted and to all the questions that I about what it meant to be going to Harvard. 

My first question was: How in the blazes am I supposed to afford almost $100,000 for one year of school?!  That’s a lot of money.  Especially since at that time I had not worked a permanent job in about 4 years.  I had picked up some contract work to get by, but it wasn’t like permanent work (with benefits) and a steady paycheck. 

My second question: What am I supposed to do with my boyfriend? At this point we had been together for year.  I had told him that if I was admitted that I was going to leave, but I don’t think either of us believed that I was going to get admitted.  (Surprise!!)

My third question: What in the hell was the admissions office thinking?! Of course, I wouldn’t have applied if I didn’t think I could get in but it was still a shock to get the email and then the paper admissions letter.  So much so, that I didn’t tell anyone that I was admitted for several weeks because I was sure that Harvard was going to retract their offer.   I only began to tell select people after the registrar’s office cashed the check for my deposit!

I can’t believe that all of these memories came flooding back in the space of one phone call. I guess now I can look back on it and realize that it was all going to work out even if it wasn’t exactly the way that I had envisioned.

So far, it’s been a wonderful ride. 

59 days until commencement