One year ago today...

One year ago today, I graduated with a Masters degree from Harvard University.  To use and already overused cliché:  I remember it as if it were yesterday.  It was hot, but I was able to secure a shaded seat in Tercentenary Theatre under a tree.  There was a palpable electricity in the air.  People had convened from all over the world to witness some of the best and the brightest students receive their degrees. The occasion was presided over by none other than Oprah Winfrey, whose story of perseverance mimicked elements in my own life.  I was excited by the possibilities that lay before me. 

Was this not the American dream?  I had worked hard. I had put in the effort.  Not even a year prior, I had packed up my meager belongings, left my now ex-boyfriend at the airport, signed student loan papers that caused me gasp at the amount, and relocated to Cambridge to take on a new adventure.  You see, in the midst of the Great Recession in late 2008, I had lost my well-paying supply chain job.   I had landed another one easily enough, but not even four months after starting, the company decided to cease operations in IL and I found myself unemployed again. I struggled financially and I struggled mentally.  Was there something wrong with me? Why couldn’t I find a job?  During this time, I had also added an extra credential that all the job descriptions appeared to specify: Project Management Professional.  Still, no job offers.  I had always dreamed of going back to school to pursue an advanced degree and being accepted to Harvard was just icing on an already moist and delicious cake.

After being out of school for 15 years, it was tough to get up to the speed needed to be successful at Harvard.  The stress gave me insomnia but I welcomed it.  Staying awake all night was the only hope I’d have of cramming in all of the reading that needed to be done.  The stress also destroyed my already fragile endocrine system.  I wasn’t sleeping or eating, but I managed to gain twenty pounds!  None of it mattered because I was living the dream!   Harvard, The Big H, was going to be my ticket out of the unemployment line and into the world of the privileged few.  The momentary physical and financial sacrifice was worth it, right?

Well, no.  In the year since graduation, I’ve managed to lose the twenty pounds that firmly adhered itself to my hips and backside. I’ve also managed to regulate my sleep cycle somewhat, although I find that I still need the assistance of prescription and over-the-counter sleep aids on occasion. But while I am no longer unemployed, I am definitely under-employed.

After looking earnestly for work for six months post-graduation and being rejected for a multitude of reasons, I took a contract job at a candy and gum company.  I sit at a desk and preform basic data entry for 40 hours a week.  It pays enough to keep me fed and in my condo but I’m sure Sallie Mae and her cousin Perkins Loan are not going to believe me when I tell them that there isn’t enough left over to pay them the equivalent of a mortgage payment, even now, an entire year after graduation.  I’m smart. I should have been able to land something by now, right? Obviously, it’s me. I mean, how is it that a woman that was successful in her field for 10 years, who went and graduated Harvard not be able to find a job?

Well, it’s not just me. I have a perfect storm of factors working against me. As a member of the long term unemployed and now under-employed, I was specifically told by at least one employer that my work experience in my career field isn’t “recent enough” (which is also known as skill erosion) although I had added an internationally recognized certification and an advanced degree while unemployed. I’ve made the effort to keep my skills sharp even while not tied to a permanent job, so surely, that can’t be held against me, right?  But maybe it is because people of color have been disproportionately affected by the Great Recession with African-Americans being overrepresented in the unemployment line?  I am an African- American woman in a field that is dominated by middle aged white men. Although companies are lauding themselves as being inclusive and celebrating diversity, how much diversity is shown in certain areas of those companies? When people initially meet me, they immediately assume that I’m in Human Resources or in an administrative role. (I don’t want to digress, but I’ve begun to think that there isn’t a place for a high achieving African-American female within Supply Chain even without the discussion of pay inequality.)

The hard truth is that the longer that I’m out of work, the less likely I will be able to find a job that is on par with the position from which I was laid off.  As a survival tactic, with no more unemployment benefits, rapidly dwindling savings and investment accounts, I took on the candy and gum company contract role that provides no paid time off, no health benefits, allows for 50% of my previous pay and is less than intellectually stimulating. It’s good to get out of the house and to interact with others, but it also greatly decreases the amount of time that I can dedicate to a job search. Thankfully, this position allows me one day off during the week that I use that to interview.  (I can’t take off time willy-nilly because excessive time off could lead to my termination AND financially, I can’t afford to do so.)

So many friends have encouraged me to come to their city to apply for work because they rightfully assume that the job market in Chicago is horrible. However, it’s difficult to apply for jobs as a long distance candidate.  Many jobs shy away from candidates like me because they don’t want to be responsible for relocation expenses when they have an excess of qualified local candidates.  Ideally, I could spend a month or two living in a friend’s guest room while applying for work in an area but that costs money that I can’t spare right now. I had even thought of starting a Go Fund Me campaign to help fund my expenses while I explore employment options in other cities since temporarily relocating would prevent me from working.

Even after I have started drafting this update, I have received yet another rejection notice from a position for which I have applied.  The note thanks for me a phone interview that never happened! Then the note goes on to say that they found a candidate that more closely matches their needs and that they have accepted their offer.   Considering that this particular company has never spoken with me directly concerning my application, I am a little put off by the outright lie. It does not bode well for my morale or my job search when companies transition from excuses to lies. (But do I really want to work for a company that would stoop to such tactics? It’s bad form and it completely disrespects me as a job seeker.)

But back to my situation…I’m exactly one year post-graduation and things are looking bleak. Wait, let me rephrase that “Things are not looking as what you’d expect from someone with such quote-unquote potential.”  Things are not bleak.  I am healthy.  I am in my right mind.  I have the love of my family and friends.  I still have the lessons I learned at Harvard.  I still have the ability to triumph over adversity.   I was just hoping that in my heart of hearts, that playing by society’s rules and power of the Big H would have allowed me to break free of some of the social constraints imposed upon me.  But I think it might be time to stop playing by the rules and give in to the urban ingenuity and tenacity that brought me to gates at Harvard in the first place.  I can’t guarantee that it will have an immediate and positive impact on my job search, but it will definitely have an impact on my morale and how I define myself in relation to any new opportunities.

On my birthday (in one week) I will once again sit down near a large body of water with a refreshing alcoholic beverage and my list of goals.  I’ll scratch off things that I’ve accomplished.  I’ll move over some of the things that I still want to accomplish and I’ll remove some of the items that no longer fit into how I picture I want my life to be.  Plans will start to take shape, themes will emerge and I will find myself back on track. I don’t know what the next year will bring but even if it brings more of the same, I know that I will continue to be just that much closer to realizing my goal and my purpose.

Stay tuned.